REYBUTZ

2006-03-02T00:08:00.000-08:00

SUMMARY OF THE TEN STEPS TOWARDS FAITH

I found the ten steps towards faith as a helpful aid for developing and nurturing the faith. The author has presented and explained well the content of every step. I noticed that the 1st to 10th steps were really credible because it was based on the experience of the persons cited by the author. It was not just a product of pure speculations.
The journey has consists of three parts: first is the escape stories and this is about the escape from false self to true self, escape from the system and environment, escaping from the wrong question about the religious truth and the escape from the strange gods. This is also called the moment of leaving in the journey of faith. The second part is all about the quest stories and this is about the moment of focusing and groping in the journey of faith. The content of these stories are all about the hunger of the heart of St. Augustine, Wonder of the mind of St Thomas Aquinas, call of conscience of Henry Newman and the experience of the spirit of St. Theresa of Avila. Third part is about the love stories in encountering the Christ and to submit our whole self to him.
I will just summarize the content of my reflection from step one to step 10. In step one; I reflected that we have to know first our false self so that we can discover our true self and in doing this is not easy because it really needs a desire, courage, humility and open heart and mind to accept of who we are. Step one emphasizes that we cannot begin our journey if we do not know own self first.
In step two, I have emphasized in my reflection that we have to know first the system or the environment of the place where we journey. We have to escape from the wrong system so that we can successfully reach our destination that is to have a mature faith. In this step we are reminded to prepare our selves for our long journey and to build first foundation so that we can persevere and overcome the hardship and trials that we may encounter along the way.
In the third step, it focuses on the presence of God. My point in my reflection in that step was God is present and always with us. He is not an invisible God but He is also verifiable by our senses. He is present in nature, in the persons that we talk everyday and He us present in all our experience day by day. This step is the escape for us for questioning his presence because He never abandons us.
The fourth step was about the escape from our false images of God that we bear since childhood. Christ Himself presented the right image of God to us. He is the image of the invisible God. We have to leave our false images of God and try to look Jesus as the real God who is compassionate, merciful and loving.
Step five and six are about the experience of hunger and emptiness with in the self and wondering of the mind until it finds it answer to God. We need to be hungry so that we can have the desire of looking for something that can satisfy us.
Step 7 and 8 are about the call of conscience and the work of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is working in us even in times of desolation and consolation that we have experienced.
Step 9 to 10 are about my failure in encountering Christ and in step 10 I express my desire to go back to God and try to surrender every thing to him.
Upon reflecting on the ten steps of faith I have so many realizations that comes in my mind. First, I realized that this journey needs courage, humility and perseverance. It needs courage to face the unexpected difficulties and trials that may hinder along the way, it needs humility to accept our limitation and weaknesses and it needs perseverance to persevere in spite of the hardship of the journey. Second, I realized that we really have to RISK our selves so that we can reach the end of our journey. Third. I realized that we really need the grace of God. Even how courageous and brave we are and even how humble we are, if God will not allow his grace to be with us; we are still nothing. All our efforts may put into vain with out the help and grace of God. In short, faith can be attained through our own effort and through the grace of God.

2006-03-02T00:07:00.001-08:00

PRODIGAL SEMINARIAN

As I have read this article I really said to my self, “how blessed I am if I will reach this kind of disposition of the self with regards to faith. For me it seems impossible to happen in my life. But I look at my situation now of where I am and as I looked to the structure that I am presently live I can also say that it is possible. I am now in my 6th years in the formation but it a shameful reality that sometimes I am still on the step one on my journey of faith. I have asked my self, “What did I do in my six years in the seminary that I was not able to develop my faith?”
The best story in the Gospel that I have remember is the story of the prodigal son because I could relate my own story to the life of the younger son who squander all the wealth of his Father.
I could still remember my feelings during the time when I was accepted in the seminary. During that time I already made a promise to God that I will give my self fully to the formation and I will deny myself for the sake of my vocation. That was the time that my vocation was very hot and my heart was inflamed with a great desire to become a priest. But at this time, as I looked back my experience for my almost six years in the formation I can really say that I am also a prodigal son. I’m a prodigal in other context, perhaps not in terms of money but in terms of the privileges and opportunities that the seminary has offered to me. The seminary is like the father that provides me everything to make my life comfortable. The seminary provides me a delicious foods to eat, good education both for the heart and for the mind, teaches me how to deal people and it gives me an opportunity to nurture my spiritual aspect (daily mass, monthly recollection and spiritual conferences). But the question is; how did I respond to that opportunity and privileges? Did I cherish it or I just take it for granted? Sometimes I found myself lazy to study and often time sleepy during mass. Those are the acts of a prodigal seminarian.
However, the presence of the father in the story gives me hope that I have still a chance to restore my life because the father is patiently waiting for my coming. What is important is I have to strive and dare to go back to the father.
The actions of the father that struck me most are the act of waiting and the act of running towards his arriving son. That particular actions of the father gives us a clear picture of how mush he loves his son. Perhaps, in our very human perspective we may say how foolish the father was. That was an abnormal reaction of the father if we see it in our own eyes. The message of the story is very clear that the father is also a prodigal father. He is not cautious in spending and sharing his love and forgiveness to his prodigal son. Those particular actions of the Father really touch my ego because I could relate it with my own recklessness and I realized how God loves me in spite of every thing.
Further more, in this step I reflected of how hard and how laborious this journey of Faith. Upon reflecting I said to my self, “how blessed is the person who can reach this kind of disposition of his faith.” As I looked on my own journey, I could say that my faith can be compared to the game called snakes and ladders which according to Gallagher it often bump back to zero.

2006-03-02T00:07:00.000-08:00

STEP 9 ENCOUNTERING WITH JESUS

There was a short saying that goes “Things are can be seen clearly if it is not so bright and not so dim.” As I have reflected the meaning of that statement I was able to relate it with my own experience in encountering Jesus. The seminary helped me how to see Jesus clearly and how to follow his footsteps. However, the more that I have known Jesus’ virtues and teachings it seems also that I am being drawn away from him. My thoughts and actions are sometimes not in line with what I have learned in the seminary. It seems that Jesus was so bright that I could not endure to see him.
I can compare my feelings at this moment from my feelings before when I was still an ordinary person outside the seminary. Every time that I had an opportunity to attend mass I could really feel the greatness and the happiness within me. I could feel that my sin was forgiven every time that I attended mass. But now instead of purifying my feelings into extreme happiness because I have I have all the time to attend mass in the seminary but what I felt is sometimes the opposite. Sometimes I looked mass as just part of the routine in the seminary formation. Before, when I heard even a short religious message it can really touch my ego but now there are many spiritual conferences happened in the seminary but sometimes my heart was deafened with many conferences that I have heard.
I could also relate my story of encountering Jesus to the encounter of Jesus and Bartimaeus in the gospel of Mark. Bartimaeus was so persistent and he keeps on shouting to be heard by Jesus. He did not even know that there are people who get angry with him. And finally Jesus recognized him and healed him and he was able to see and followed him. That was also the time that Bartimaeus surrender his life to Jesus. My encounter of Jesus is more or less the same with the encounter of Bartimaeus, what is different is sometimes I pay much attention to the noise inside and outside myself. I am fully aware that Jesus is near and Jesus has healed me but often times I am so ungrateful that sometimes I am unfaithful in following him. I could say that many times I failed to encounter Christ in my daily activities. Many times that I was not able to recognize his presence because I was blinded with my own pre-occupations and desires in life.
I continue to ask God to give me the grace and increase my faith so that like Bartimaeus I may able to see Christ clearly and may able to follow him with sincere heart.

2006-03-02T00:06:00.000-08:00

STEP 8: THE WORK OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

It was happened several times in my life that I felt dryness and emptiness in my studies, pastoral works and especially in prayer life. Since college until now I often asked my spiritual director of what is the meaning of dryness in the context of formation. I notice that have almost the same answer to that question. Dryness and emptiness does not mean that God is absent in our lives. He still present in that feelings but we have to be attentive and reflective enough so that we can understand what God is telling us in that kind of strange feelings.
Every time I experienced dryness and emptiness I always associate it with crisis. My immediate reaction was to question my vocation. I immediately asked God if that is the sign that I am not called in this kind of life.
It is a reality that most of us are not comfortable with that kind of feelings. When we feel empty we always look for something that can fill our emptiness. We found it difficult to handle and to face that kind of feelings because what we want are the feelings of being enthusiastic, alive and energetic in every thing we do.
The article of Gallagher leads me to reflect and realize that both the feelings of dryness/emptiness and aliveness that we felt in prayer and every thing we do are the works of the Holy Spirit. He is present and He is with us even in the worst experience and feelings that we have. If we can only recognize God in the midst of those negative, it can also nourish our faith.
The common problem for us with regard to this situation is we can only acknowledge the work of the Holy Spirit in times of consolation but when desolation comes, we immediately question his presence.
I remember one of my experiences when I was in college. I was so depressed and problematic during that time because my family experienced financial crisis and my balance both in the seminary and in school was increasing and I need to pay so that I can take the fast approaching examination. That was the time that I was about to leave the seminary because I could not bear anymore the trials that God has given me. That was the experience of desolation in my life that I thought God abandoned me in my problem. But a loving and generous God has proved me that I was wrong. Few weeks after, I received a letter from a generous couple that they wanted to support me and shoulder all my financial obligation both in the seminary and in School. My heart was overwhelmed with joy upon reading the letter. That was the experience of consolation in my part.
Because of that experience I was able to realized that God never abandoned us even a second or a minute. He always works in us through the Holy Spirit. What we need is to have faith and give our full trust in him.

2006-03-02T00:05:00.000-08:00

STEP 7: God’s Invitation

Upon reading this article I remember my experience when I was in my pre-college stage of my formation, one of our apostolate areas was the Bukidnon Provincial Hospital. Every second and forth Friday of the month was our schedule to go there and to do our pastoral work. We did not make big things there except visiting the sick, talking to them and listening to their problem. With that simple activity I really learned a lot and it nourished my vocation. That activity was a challenging one for me because I found it difficult also to deal people who are in problem and frustration. One of my difficulties in doing those things was how to preach Jesus to them? How to convince the family that God still love them in front of their dying patient? Like Newman I have also the question in my mind of why God allow his people to suffer? If He is a loving God, where is the act of love in that kind of situation?
Newman was answering that question of mine in his reflection. God is always working for the good of His people. He has already done something to reveal his love to mankind when he created us. This is God’s invitation that we must be the agent of His love to others. Newman, in this article reminds us that we have to hear God’s voice by listening to our own conscience because God speak to us only in our conscience. To experience our conscience is not just a humbling experience but it is also a laborious task because we need to be silent so that we can hear the whisper of God, we need to reflect deeply to understand his will.
One of the problems in our modern society today is how to be silent. The world is very noisy and the people seems attracted to it and found delight in it. To be silent is sometimes very unnatural for us and we feel uncomfortable with it. If we felt bored and empty we often look for someone to talk to, go to barkada and try to find fun with them in talking, drinking, taking cigarette, dancing and singing just to fill in our emptiness because we are not at home in silence. We forget that we also need to be alone to listen and to reflect of what will be the will of God for us. This is the call of God for all of us. This is his invitation that we should spend even a little time in silent so that we can hear his voice. We have to remember that silence is the only language of God, we cannot hear him if we are so noisy. Everyday, every hour and every minute God has something to say. We should listen to our conscience because God is always there.
In my life also as a seminarian that is also my experience even at the present. Sometimes I forgot that I have to live in the atmosphere of silence. There are times that I spent longer time in holding my cell phone texting to the people outside even it is not necessary than the time that I had spent in silence and prayer. It was really a sarcastic experienced and it seems paradoxical and ironic for a seminarian like me to do that. It is a shameful reality that many lay people who are holier than me. It is a great challenge for me to do my part sincerely and piously. I believe that I still have a chance to restore my life because God will always give us a chance if we STRIVE to look for him.

2006-03-02T00:02:00.000-08:00

STEP 2: KNOWING THE ENEMIES

The first step has stated that we have to discover and know our false self to unveil the real or true self. That was a very nice reflection because I found that my own journey of faith is very much related to it. It is true that it is very difficult or impossible to have mature faith if we do not know ourselves fully
In this second step in the journey towards faith, the phrase that struck me most is “to know the enemy”. It is a reality in a journey that sometimes we do not know what is at the end or what will happen to us ahead of time. We have to prepare so that we can persevere no matter what/how difficult the life will be.
Using the analogy of a soldier who will go to war is helpful. Before he will be sent for battle he will undergo first a heavy training to prepare himself for the battle. The most important element or thing that the warrior has to observe is to know first his enemy. He should study the tactics and find out where the strength is and where is the weakness of his enemy because it has been said that the intelligent army will not attack to the strong point of his enemy rather he will attack on his weakness.
I am still on my way in my own journey of faith. This second step of journey to faith of Michael Gallagher reminds me to build first a strong foundation in my self so that I may survive and overcome whatever possible problems and trials I may encounter along the way. I have to prepare my self internally and externally. There are a lot of enemies in my self that I have to know as I continue to venture this risky way of life. Some of these enemies are sometimes very difficult to recognize because they appear seems so friendly and tame, but in a subtle way, they deceive me and gradually lead me to turn to another way.
1Peter said, “the enemy is like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” Therefore, I have to stay sober and alert because sometimes the enemy is also very intelligent that he know how and where to attack us. This is a great reminder for me, to know my enemy and to continue striving to fight and resist them. I will continue to ask God in my prayer to give me strength and courage so that I can reach the peak and end of my journey, which is to have mature faith and finally I can rest in his heavenly home.

THIS IS MY CALL THIS IS MY CHALLENGE!!!

2006-02-08T18:46:00.000-08:00

STEP 1: DISACOVERING THE TRUE SELF

This book states that the first step in a journey towards faith is to find and discover our true self. In the human aspect, one of the most difficult or heavy tasks of man on earth is to know and to have profound knowledge about his very self. There are many people today who are already old, but still do not know who they are. The basic questions in this problem are: How do we know our own self? What will we do so that we come to know our self deeply? Michael
Gallagher says that we have to find our false self first and then we have some chance of discovering our true self. To do this is not easy because it needs courage, humility, acceptance and prayer.
Gallagher uses the life of San Ignacio de Loyola as an example. It took a long time before San Ignacio finally discovered himself. That was also the time that he fully understood the meaning of life and God’s purpose in creating man. San. Ignacio’s life teaches us how to be free and that is to accepting our strengths and weaknesses. The life of San. Ignacio is a model for us of how to attain inner self-freedom. We have to know first our false self that is our weaknesses and limitations. I could remember,
One of the sessions in the seminary about human formation and that was the discovering of the self as a way to inner freedom. From that session I was able to reflect that I can attain inner freedom only if I set my self free from attachment to worldly things, from fear and insecurities in life.
I accept that in my own journey in life, there are some aspects in me in which I am still not free. I have a lot of fear and insecurities. Perhaps this is the reason why sometimes I have the feeling of discontentment. It seems that something is still lacking in spite of the abundance that I have experienced here in the seminary. This is my struggle at this very moment. This is also my hope and perhaps my goal, that before the end of my formation I can fully discover my self so that I will become effective pastor to the people. It is my dream that like San Ignacio de Loyola I can understand the real meaning of life so that I can serve God with passion and full dedication.

step 6

2006-02-08T18:34:00.000-08:00

STEP 6:WHY I AM HERE?

When I was in high school there are lot of questions that bothers in my mind and one of these questions is “what will be the my future and where do I go after graduating high school? I found difficult to make a plan for my self during that time because I do not have any course or career that I’d like to take up after high school. I could still remember when our teacher in high school asked us to write a composition about what we want to become after ten years. It took minutes for me to think what to write because I do not know what I want. After a few moment of silence I decided to write in my paper that after ten years I want to become a teacher. I wrote that not because I really wanted to become a teacher but because I do not have any idea of what to write.
I am wondering of how God brought me here and why He chose me to be here? Until now I could not understand and I could not really fathom of what was happened in my mind that I was able to decide to enter the seminary. In fact, I was not dreaming to become a priest even once when I was a child. Why I am here? Was it only myself who desired to be here or there was someone who willed all of these? Those are the questions that I started to unveil in my formation. Perhaps, these questions also lead me and help me to grow and to have mature faith.
I have already experienced the goodness of God in my almost six years in the formation. I could not imagine how God helped me especially during tough times in my life as seminarian. He provided me everything just to give me comfort and make me able to survived. With that experienced, I could say that Jesus is the primary and the first cause of why I am here. He initiated everything and I have just responded to his invitation. I have a firm conviction that Jesus is the one who first know me and wanted me to be here. I do not know what will happen to me here if I will become a priest or not but what I am certain is, He has a plan for putting me here. Maybe he knew that this place would help me to become a better Christian.
I know that my limited mind cannot understand and totally grasp the purpose of God in making all these things in my life but I’m very thankful to him for giving me this wonderful opportunity to experience seminary life and to know Him even a little. This is a great privilege that God has given me and I will cherish this by faithfully doing my responsibility as a real seminarian.
SO HELP ME GOD!!!

step 5

2006-02-08T18:33:00.000-08:00

STEP 5: THE HEART’S DESIRE

Five years ago, my batch in the seminary had an opportunity to venture the range of the highest mountain of Mt. Kitanglad in Bukidnon. It took four to five hours before we finally reached the peak of the mountain. All of us were first timer in climbing that tall mountain. When we were still in the foot of the mountain we keep on looking to the top and were asking one another; what is in there? Because most of the people that had been gone to that mountain were really impressed and said that it is very beautiful. With full of excitement and eagerness we began to climb the range of Kitanglad.
But we were still on the way, that we felt a severe tiredness and we felt exhausted and begun to doubt if we can reach the top. In spite of tiredness and thirst that we have felt, we keep on walking forward until we finally reached the top. When we were there, the tiredness was being replaced by great joy that we were able to survive on that risky journey. Our questions when we were still on the foot were being answered when we were on top. I have a feeling contentment and was able to appreciate the nature created by God when I saw the beautiful valleys, forest and mountains.
In journeying toward faith is more or less the same in climbing a high mountain. We do not know what is in the top and sometimes along the way we often encounter temptations and problems that made us tired and exhausted to the extent that we begin to doubt if we can reached the end of our journey. The most important in a journey is the heart’s desire to venture even the risky place. We should have the eagerness to see what is ahead or we must have the feeling of being not contented until we will reach the place wherein all our questions and all that we look for can be found. St. Augustine in his journey of faith said “his heart is restless until it will rest in God.” God is our destination of our journey and we can only reach God if we have a hunger hearts to find Him because only those who are hungry knows where and how to find the food that can satisfy his hunger. We continue to ask God to give us a hungry heart so that we may also continue to find him because only God can satisfy us.

step 4

2006-02-08T18:32:00.000-08:00

STEP 4: SEARCHING FOR RIGHT IMAGE OF GOD

When I was in high school I was chosen as a student catechist in our school to teach the elementary pupils in our place. One time, I asked my pupils of this question; “what is God for you?” their common answer was, God is provider, God is our helper, God is protector and God is love. The children knew already what are the virtues to be attributed to God, for them that are the images that they have seen in God. The question that comes in my mind as I recall that experience is, why is it that they have different answers? May be because they have different understanding of what God is and may be because they have different experience of God.
If someone will ask us with the same question today, I am very sure that like my pupils before we have also different answers and we have also different images of God. I have remembered one of the famous books of Fr. Thomas Green S.J., which I have read just two years ago. The book was entitled, “Weeds Among The Wheat”. That book was about discernment and in first chapter Fr. Green illustrated the common image of God according to the viewpoint of man. According to him there are three distinct possible views of God; “ the watchmaker”, “the puppeteer”, and the father of adult children.
Fr. Green explained that God is not like a watchmaker that after he produces or making the watch his involvement to his creation also ended. God is involved with the on going development and destiny of his creation. God is not also a puppeteer because He gave us freedom to do everything we want. But God is like a father of adult children, who really trust us that we will be responsible enough to manage our life and to do things in accordance of his will.
The image of God that has been portrayed by Fr. Thomas Green is perhaps the same image that we have in our mind. Sometimes we shaped God according to our own status, situations, career, likes and dislike in life. For the people who are in suffering and problem; they may see God as punisher God, for those who are economically abundance they may see God as provider, for those who appreciated the art of creation and nature they may see God as the perfect artist and for those who are intellectual people they may see God as wisdom. We can create and image of God based on our own interpretation of our experience. But the danger is, sometimes we fall into temptation to create a false image of God. The examples given by Thomas Green are the examples of a strange and false God.
How can we see the real image of God? For C.S. Lewis “if man’s self is not kept clean and bright, his glimpse of God will be blurred like the moon seen through a dirty telescope”. God is always with us but sometimes we hardly recognized his presence because we are blinded and imprisoned with the gods in ourselves. We have to clean ourselves and wipe away all false images of god, we have to throw away our negative feelings that can hinder us to see and shape the right image of God. In our journey in life we have to learn how to escape those strange gods that imprisoned us so that we can reach our real destination. We should realize that the right image of God could only be found in Christ.

STEP 3

2006-02-08T18:27:00.000-08:00

STEP 3: THE TANGIBLE AND VERIFIABLE GOD

I could still remember David Hume one of the ancient philosopher and proponent of empiricism, he argue that only that which comes through experience can truly be said knowable. Everything exists or every truth can be verifiable by the senses. One of the measurements of truth from that philosophy is evidence. If we assert a certain truth, we have to present something to prove our assertion or else nobody will believe. If we try to observe in our society today we are very much influenced by the principle “to see is to believe”. It was become the standard of truth in the world today, it seems that everything we believe must be tangible and verifiable.
However, that principle cannot be applied to prove the existence of God. We cannot see and touch God. It requires faith to believe in Him. How God become tangible and verifiable? If we have faith, God is tangible and visible. We have just celebrated the Christmas and for me Christmas is an act of love, an act of revealing Himself to mankind so that He can be touch, can be seen and can be verified. In the person of Jesus CHRIST God is with us. In Jn.1:14; “The word was made flesh and lived among us and we have seen his glory”.
In my life as a seminarian, I cannot deny that there are times that my faith was shaken. I know that God is in my side and He is present in every event in my life but sometimes I always looked for extra-ordinary things to happen in me so that I can really say that He is present. I am almost six years in the formation and yet, it is very shameful in my part that I still have immature faith. Sometimes my faith can be compared like a glass that can be easily broken. I have a fragile faith that can be easily be broken or shaken when crisis and problems come.
This will be the great challenge for me in this New Year. I am still very hopeful and I believed that God would not abandon me. He will continue to reveal himself in me to make my faith grow. I cannot do this in my own effort but I need the grace of God.

step 1: From false self to a true self.....

2006-02-08T18:24:00.000-08:00

step 1

2006-01-19T16:28:00.000-08:00

hi!